Just some thoughts...

Things that I hate.

2010-11-28T20:56:00.003+02:00

Since I am bored, and there is nothing technically on my mind, I have nothing else to do other than sitting here and saying those useless thoughts to the void.

I have a small list about the things that I hate about myself, and technically been bothering me for a while now.

1- The reason people change the way they deal with me. I mean, you must have a serious reason to change. If you have a friend who doesn't like me, that is his/ her problem, its not supposed to be yours. I assume.

2- The way I hesitate doing the things that I really want to do. For example, calling someone that hurt me once to know why, or calling someone I really want to talk to.

3- People who think that they are smart, and that is something we all hate.

4- Stupid procedures for dumb things. ( I hate my call reports, especially when I am supposed to do them, and no one is reading them. It's pretty useless and a waste of time.)

5- Taken for granted. This bring out the worst of me, especially when I know about it.

6- Writing this useless post and wasting the reader's time :)

.....I am bored.

Its been a while...

2010-07-15T02:47:00.004+03:00

Hello, Its been a while since I wrote anything here. My apologies to my dear friend that I promised so many times to write something and I did not fulfill the promise.

I was reading all of the blogs around and enjoying most of them, but without no comments, I was in the observing mode. I usually go into that mode and try to understand the things around me, with not so much of a success really, but at least I try.

I was amused when I read Whisper's post on the heat wave that Amman is going through. So I would like to share a small incident. I work in Saudi Arabia in the eastern province, where humidity is just starting to kick off at 65% and we are still in July!! Since my job is almost always outdoor, so I have to suffer from the humidity all day long, and when I come back to the office...well there is no air-condition!! When we tried to tell the management, they told us that its better this way, so we wont over-stay in the office and be outside selling!!! 45 C and 65 humidity with no A/C. oo el3ab yally btil3ab!!!

I asked my manager almost three weeks ago if I can take a 2 days off so I can get back to Amman, its technically only a one and a half day ( Wednesday + Thursday) so I can see the whole family, the whole family is getting back and I mean the whole family, its been almost 6 years since we all gathered and had a vacation.. but he refused!!!samm badane!!! especially that there is nothing that is so serious at the time I am asking for the leave. I guess my revenge was when he entered the hospital for a broken leg the same day!! At least, I dont think about the vacation anymore, I just hope that he won't refuse my annual leave!! for his sake of course!!! :)

Its 3 in the morning, and I have to be in office (or the oven) after 5 hours. But as we always say...

Hamdilla :)

How to sell anything!!!

2010-04-15T23:20:00.006+03:00

I have completed a book called "How to sell anything to anyone" for Joe Girard.

He is a Guinness book world record in sales, and in the same field that I am working in, almost. The books describes some techniques about the how you should close a deal and how to approach the customer and all those things that make a big difference in selling. I t was a really useful book, to a certain point.

I am not a critic and I am fresh from the trees, I don't know the tricks of the game and the approaching methodologies, so I read books and try my best to learn from the people around me, and how the culture goes. A problem I face every time I read a book like this, is that it doesn't work here, in our part of the world. (I mean the specifics) The general idea works perfect and it gives you a narrower approach to things, a more organized way of thinking to do things!! But when you look at the tools these books (some of them) try to give you, it just won't work, in fact it will seriously harm you!! For example, the book for Jor Girard, he gives an advice for following up with a customer and trying to use their families to buy a car, in one case he called the man's wife!!

Imagine me, a truck salesman, calling a man's wife to make her convince her husband buy a truck from me!!?? In Saudi Arabia?!?! YA SALAM!!!! il layla 3eeed!!!

It is a learning process and we try to become better, unfortunately we don't have something written for us, for our part of the world. Not that I heard of, and if you know any, I would really appreciate if you tell me where can I find them.

I am not angry, its just thoughts...

2010-03-23T22:18:00.005+02:00

If you think I care, think again...

If you think that you are James Bond, or some kind of a big shot or you had the idea or imagination for a millisecond that I care by any chance about meeting you in person, so I can sell you something that I know for sure that you even don't know how to spell the name of it correctly, you are very wrong and you should think again.

I am very sorry to tell you, but I seriously don't love you!!!

I am not in love with you, I am very sorry to tell you that and hurt your feminine ego, but I am not. so if I call you couple of times in the same day, just because I am bored, that doesn't give you the right to start acting weird. Again my dear, I am NOT in love with you,so.... 'khiffe 3a 7alek shway!!!'

Shut the hell UP!!!!

If you have so many stories and so many heroic victories, do NOT share them with me. For a very simple reason, I DO NOT CARE!!! I am not jealous, because you have proved so many times that its just lies and they are not real. Sorry to tell you pal, but I rather to live on earth, instead of the lala-land you conquer.

I think what makes a man a 'man', is his deeds and words. I think if you were a CEO and had 364 certifications hanging on the wall, but still act like a pig; then you are a pig!!! And I mean disrespect!! If you think that because of the certification and because some guy with some company made you CEO you became someone. Think again!!!

Sometimes, ignorance is a blessing....

One last walk (Part -2)

2010-03-07T19:58:00.004+02:00

"OK kid, this is it, you either make your move or walk away!" he thought, but his feet simply didn't move.

Gathering enough courage and taking a look around him to see what could be the damage if someone saw him being knocked off; the coast was clear. He took a deep breath, excused himself from the people he was with, even though they didn't care that much especially that they are girls talking about other girls, the perfect timing to leave. Starting to walk there, the breathing got harder and everything was moving in slow motion, tried to keep his serious face hoping it won't show the amount of fear of what might happen.

After passing halfway took a quick look to the surroundings, last check before changing directions. What he had not taken into account, is that it is her department you are in, there are more of them than you!!! More of her friends than his friends!! That is when a girl coming through the crowd with a big smile on her face came to her and jumped with happiness screaming "I got a B! I got a a B!"

All of a sudden that whole place went noisy again, The 'B' girl ruined the approach. "Plan B: get inside the building, you cant take that kind of pressure, she has to be alone!!!" Smiling to one of the people he knew from the lecture he had, made his way into the building, and up to the offices where no one will be. Making sure that there was no one in sight, he leaned back to the wall to regain his balance. Exhaling a deep breath, he closed his eye and gave the whole thing one more thought!!

"If you don't go now, you might never have the chance to have an opening subject, especially that you are the third worst person in these things, plus, if you don't go now, you will not forgive yourself until the next time- if it ever comes. So, gather what is left of yourself, and go talk to her, after all there is nothing she can do to you, the damage has been done!!! "

Reciting the phrase "You are an idiot" to himself, he made his way back to where he was, the court. Opening the door, the noise came back and his heartbeat was rocketing up, taking a look to where she was sitting before changing the route, she was not there. The friend that got a B was there with another girl he knew. "Good, that means she might be alone." he thought to himself when he was turning away to see where he was going. All of a sudden someone seemed to have punched him in the stomach and the flow of oxygen stopped reaching the brain. She was straight ahead looking at him, smiling and alone.

You can't run now, can you??

The only memory that went into his head was his school graduation, when he was sitting in the back, making fun with his best friend about how things might go wrong when you go and take the certificates, like stumbling down, or doing what they always wanted to do, like slapping the principle in public!! Having that memory crossing his head, the smile was reflected back to her, he realized that before reaching halfway. When he reached half the distance he had to break the eye contact, and stop smiling, so he looked backward, as if checking if he is being followed. Looking back to where he was going she leaned backward and tilted her head for what seems to be a better view since he was standing and the sun was right behind him.

Getting close to her, he smiled once again, and tilted his head in the same direction and said: "Having neck problems?" and the thought in his head, at the speed of light" Now that's your opening sentence, man you need to get out more often!!!" As stupid as it may seem, the effect was more than what he could have asked for, the smile grew wider, and her small hand pointed to the sun. Being a helpful person he stood to create a shade over her. "Thank you, you might have a use after all!!"

"Thank you very much, you just clarified the reason for my existence." he answered showing deep gratitude. "What are you doing here, don't you have some lectures to attend??" he asked as if he was her father. "No," she pointed to the crowd and the people aside them, " the whole university has no lectures today, because of the elections, don't you know that?" looking back at him, with a sparkle in her eyes. "Oh, really!! I didn't know that?" he lied, "I don't have lectures today, I came to the university to meet some people" he paused, "you know, a course project!".

"oh OK, how is the project going?" she asked. " Good, I guess!! I didn't meet with the group yet, especially that the instructor didn't come yet" pointing his hand to the building he was in. He was lying.

The conversation was interrupted with the "B" girl homing into her ears, and whispering something that made them both burst into laughs. With that happening, he took a step back, and looked away, and his face showed his feeling, his tension. "I am sorry, she just told me something about a girl we were talking about earlier" she lied.

"No its OK, I am kinda used to this!" he answered while looking away.

Half a minute passed and no word from each, as if they knew that each of them is lying to the other. " You want to grab something to drink, coke maybe?" he broke the silence. "yeah sure, why not?" she answered and started to gather her things; purse, backpack, and a huge bag full of paper and wooden sticks. He carried the bag and made sure she was OK with the other things. Getting up from the chair she looked towards the 'B' girl and smiled. He caught that smile, but decided to ignore it.

As they walked to the canteen, they found Sara, which was the person who introduced them to each other two weeks ago. " You want something to drink? we are going to get a drink, come and join us"? he asked. Please come PLEASE!!! Sara smiled the same smile she had couple of minutes ago, it was obvious to everyone what was going on, but no one said a word.

Sara joined him and helped a lot by opening topics and subjects to talk about. After all, he was the second worst person in that field. The only thought that took over his mind all of the time sitting with her and Sara was a simple one, he had more feeling than he thought he did. She was funny, mature, and pretty. Time passed by quickly, and he had to leave. Getting ready to leave, he looked into her eyes directly and asked her, "when is the next time I will be able to see you? When are your breaks?" Shocked by the question and not being ready enough she answered unintentionally "Tomorrow, I have a break at 10 till 12.", "Great then, tomorrow at 10, here, OK?" he ordered, as if she wouldn't say no. "Yeah sure, at 10 o'clock." she answered as if obeying her superior officer, and he left.

He had no idea about what happened, or what is going to happen tomorrow at 10 o'clock, but he was sure of one thing, and that was how true the feelings he had for her.

to be continued...

What happened??

2010-03-06T17:27:00.003+02:00

Today was one of the days that I am very happy to know that it will eventually end.

From the very beginning it was.....bad. Il hamdilla for everything, but I cant have a day less organized. I don't want to remind myself about the details of the day, but all day long everything was just getting worse and more complicated. I spent almost two hours with a customer that turned out to be not from my territory or area, violated a stupid regulation in the "company's policy" and when I finally got back to the office to do my call reports, my boss told me that I lost a sale and the system was down.

On my way back home, every single road to my place is blocked, street maintenance. The road took me to the sea front. Parked my car, and took a short walk, bought my tasteless coffee and sat on a bench looking to the endlessness of the sea ahead and the calmness of it. The only thing that was capable of making me look away was those two little girls playing on the beach.

They were maximum years, and I am exaggerating. Looking at them from a distance I could only see the way they move and how they react to each other. They were kids!!! they have nothing over their heads, they only wanted to play in the sand get dirty!! That's ALL!!! How could the same world we live in be so different? I myself remember my days when I was like that, the only thing I had in mind was to finish a game called Maze of Galious on MSX, or as some people know it as "Sakher". I had nothing else in mind, after all when I was in school all of the home works took almost 30 minutes, and I am done. My question is: what happened??? when did it happen??? why can't we live the world as simple as those two girls?? Why cant we live in a world where people are honest??? when did all of this responsibilities and duties came to us?? do you earn them, or they just fall in your arms?? I don't get it, and I never will.

I got off the bench, and started my walk to the car, after all; this wont make a difference, even if you answer me, we still have responsibilities and we still have duties. I dont have the power to change the world, I barely have enough power to change myself. I just hope that tomorrow is more.....simple.

One last walk (Part -1)

2010-03-01T18:21:00.003+02:00

It is difficult to live in the present, ridiculous to live in the future, and impossible to live in the past. Nothing is as far away as one minute ago.

Standing there with a blank head, he took out his Marlboro and lit a cigarette. He looked at the contents of the pack he tightened the cigarette's filter between his lips and took a deeper inhale. "Eighteen cigarettes, and its still two o'clock" he thought, "not bad, at least I have no one now to tell me to stop smoking."

Enjoying another large intake of nicotine, he reached for the cigarette and pulled it away from his face, but the smoke finds its way to his eyes and made his eyes to shut close, and the only thing he saw was her face. She was beautiful.

Rubbing his eyes and opening them once again, he looked around him. The place was crowded, after all its a break time between lectures, and he is standing near the canteen. People laughing around him, others trying to understand the mess they did in the exam, a guy he knew was rushing inside the classroom. He heard all of the things that were happening around him, but he couldn't listen to anything; after all, it was all useless.At that moment, listening to anything will either make things worse, or it wont change anything, so keeping things outside at the moment was the right thing to be done.

They didn't stay together for a long time. Eight months were nothing compared to what he had in mind, but its over. He knew it well, and he knew that there is no way to get back to what have existed before. He knew all the crap about breaking up, all the stages of a break up and grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance. So standing here now was his way to get things straight and to have a chance to clear his mind for what will come, and more importantly, what just happened.

Finishing the cigarette in hand, but not having enough, he pulled the pack once again and pulled a new one, reaching for the lighter a cool breeze cam opposite to him, so he unconsciously turned his back to the wind, and lit the cigarette as he raised his head, there she was trying to take something out of her purse. He froze there like a statue, not capable of moving around nor looking away.

He realized what he was not capable of doing and what he is doing, when their eyes met.....

to be continued...

I have a question!!!

2010-01-24T23:33:00.004+02:00

The question that I never thought of asking myself...

Some of the things you have to take into serious considerations, as a dear friend told me before I came to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, is that I have to understand the culture. The way the people live, their customs, even the smallest details I have to take extra care and try to notice everything around me. All of that so I can manage to get some good sales.

A lot of things this good friend seem to forget to tell me, such as how to look for a place to live in, and more importantly what to tell the real estate agent. One question struck me in the face the first time I went to a real estate agent: "Do y0u want it for singles or families?" (3uzzab willa 3awayel)!!!! When he asked the questions, my eyes went wide open and I knew that finding a place to live is going to be a 'little' bit more difficult than what I thought it would be. Then the question started to rise in my mind...

Every time I went into an agent he asked me the same question, the answer can only be one of the two, either singles or families. If I answered families the agent then continues to the next series of questions such as the budget, location etc.. BUT if I answered singles, well there could be many answers, such as 'Sorry I have nothing for you', or 'we don't provide such apartments', or he could just simply ignore you....

Today one of the agents I went to, not only did he ignore me and didn't answer my question, he waved his hand indicating that I should leave, this is when the question was clear...

هل أنا بعوضة؟

One Year

2010-01-20T00:31:00.005+02:00

One year ago I was in Dubai, and I posted me very first post here.

A lot of memories pass my mind when I think of the last year, so many things have been done, and even more have been undone. I am thankful for every single thing that happened, especially the things that I still don't have an explanation for, because I know they happened for a greater benefit to me.

One of the things I am thankful for are this blog and the chance to meet new people, my 'virtual' friends. The people I enjoyed reading their posts when I was incapable to sleep at night and was living like a bat they are so many, mainly their blogs are 'dandooneh', 'things i like to whisper about', 'with passion', 'unwritten', and last but definitely not least, 'adigaXTR'.

Thank you all for your great posts, and for the friendly way you contacted me, it seems that this 'cyber-world' is not so bad after all!!!

Falling Ceiling

2010-01-15T10:28:00.004+02:00

Two weeks now and things started to crumble around me!!

This is my first weekend alone here in the land of 'ghurbeh'. and its not exactly the way I wanted it to be!! The way I wanted to spend my only day of holiday, was to wake up later than usual, have a good breakfast, something that is considered 'food'. Then take a shower and head to the prayers, after wards lunch with couple of people, head back home and start reading either a good book or having a game online, but no.......

I woke up at the sound of thunder in my apartment, around 7:15 (here goes the wish of waking up late) I am freaked out by the sound so I went to see whats going on, the sitting room was OK, at least my PS3 (my only entertainer here) is fine... but when I headed to the bathroom... well see for yourself..

The crap on the floor and the hole in the roof, made all the wishes for a day-off, fade away...

After seeing this and realizing that its not going to be as I planned for it, I headed back to bed, and slept the morning through. now after waking up and since I have to deal with this situation sooner or later, I have to go down and make the reception understand I have a problem and I need another room, in the hindu-arabic-english- language!!!

bil-2ithin....

Happy new year to you all!

2010-01-01T23:23:00.004+02:00

Happy new year to all, hope the coming year all of the wishes will come true, I knew mine did (at least some)!!!

Since I was always complaining that I don't have a job and i am tired of the nothingness that I was living, now I don't have the right to!! I have a job and tomorrow is my first day!! Hamdu lillah!!

Not only this is a new year to me, but it is also a new country, I have moved from Amman, my hometown that I have spent my whole life in, to our neighbors, the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia!! I landed here 4 hours ago and I still don't know what the hell is going on, its still....blurry!!

But I know that I am very tired and that some man is going to come and pick me very early tomorrow morning, and they told me that it is really important to look like a human being the first day, I have to go sleep, and will try to share everything with you later on!!

Happy new year to everyone, and greetings from Khobar :)

That was LOUD!!

2009-11-23T02:51:00.010+02:00

.....and it was music to my ears!!

The sound was overwhelming and since I am not used to it, and I somehow always wanted to know how i actually sounds, I was thrilled to hear it and to be very honest, I wasn't expecting it to be that good!! Every time that pilot took the aircraft away from my place I could feel the raw power of its engine, and for some reason, I was very happy, as if it was my lullaby.

I was not into the private jet section or the commercial airliners, I wanted to see the fighters, and I did. No matter how many times I try to describe the feeling, or tell you the amount of happiness I felt, its not enough. So I wont, but hope you enjoy the photos I took.

(I know I am a almost a week late, but I had no internet connection :) )

F-22 Raptor

F-18 Hornet (My Favorite)

AH-64 Apache

This pilot was good!!!

They were amazing!!!

My BEST 2 shots

445

2009-11-13T09:52:00.006+02:00

...is the number of days of my unemployment. (Officially).

I am not going to lie at you and say that I am very happy about it, and neither I am going to say that it was bad. I have learnt a lot. and I mean a lot. Since I promised myself and whoever in the world is reading this place of mine that I will try my best not to be a pessemistic or a 'nikid' person, I will share a very few things from the many that I had the chance to learn.

I had the chance to travel. Most importantly, I had the chance to visit my brothers in UAE, and I got the chance to see Beirut. (No matter where you lived or where you came from, you have to love Beirut!! you just have to!!). I had the chance to enrich my photography skills and expertise after getting a brand new DSLR, which I thank god every time I hold it in hand that I have a great family and wonderful brothers. I am grateful for the family that I have, that no matter how things turned out to be, they never -at least, said anything about me being unemployed.

There are many things that I cant count I have learned in these 445 days, but the one I have to thank god for always and in god's will forever, is that I have (hamdilla) learned to keep my faith in god stronger.

I am thankful.

الحمد لله رب العالمين

Numb

2009-10-20T17:44:00.002+03:00

I love this song. and it is somehow what I have been feeling for a while now. Even though the lyrics have no relation what so ever to anything I have in mind, but the video is somehow exactly what I have in mind. especially at the points where they use what they call 'time-lapse'.

Its where you feel is slowly moving when everything around you are just moving so fast that they seem to be like shadows passing by. I am sick of this. The other day I called everyone I know and is capable to go out with me; some were busy with their girls, other were 'can not be reached'! So I was forced to be back to the old 'me', the nikid!!! :)

Google Wave, I am in!!

2009-10-13T20:39:00.002+03:00

I am so very excited about this!!

Google is moving into the next step to introduce their next product. Google Wave.

I have applied to have an account for over a month now, and I finally got one, it is so great to be a part of this thing, they consider this to be the net step in communicating. Too bad I have no internet at home, so I can play in the sandbox as they call it.

It is still in the development phase and things are a bit rough, and quite boring if you have no one to wave with, since you can only communicate with people whom only have accounts. Unfortunately I don't have the privilege to add or invite people as they did with the google mail. But once I have it I don't think I will let anyone 'yi3tab'!!

I am so excited and I am pretty sure anyone who is in love with this company "Google" will also be extremely happy.

To have an idea about what I am talking about, check the video below, it is a bit long, but definitely worth watching.

Damascus...

2009-10-12T20:11:00.005+03:00

Since the beginning of Ramadan I wanted to go there, and I was lucky enough to get the chance to go there couple of days ago. A group of circassian dancers came from Kabardinia to perform in Damascus, and since my mother wanted to see them, I packed my camera and joined her.

I took almost 400+ photographs, but only the ones below are clear enough to be placed over here, not for anything, but if you can see the position and the way I was taking them, well you would understand. I was standing on a 15 cm of concrete (my shoe size is 49, so its a problem) with my left hand around one pole so I wont fall, and the right hand holding the camera and taking pictures. I am not a ballet dancer so I wasn't really steady and in a fixed position.

Anyway I had a great time hanging and taking pictures, and the group performed very well. Unfortunately, the other day I was dead tired, so I didn't have the chance to walk and take photos in Damascus, hopefully I would do it later along with Beirut.

Enjoy the pics, hope you like them.

Its shameful...

2009-10-06T16:50:00.004+03:00

I studied about it in books and every company talks about it, but no one actually does it, you want team work, look at the guys below!!!

Before writing this I watched the 'khawater' episode that was being showed on Al-Resala channel and usually was talking about the comparison about the Arab world and the Japanese world, he said one thing that brought this to my mind! If you place one Arab engineer and one Japanese, the Arab could do the thing more effectively, yet if you place three engineers, the Japanese will definitely get the job done more effectively!!!

When I look into the video I go insane, for two reasons!! One: I always wanted to be that plane as I mentioned before! Two: Look at the amount of trust those people share!! each one of them is sure of his capabilities and trusts everyone around him, you can search the other videos of them, they are called Blue Angles! Look at how close they get together and at what speed!!!

I took so many courses about the teamwork and all of that, no one ever mentioned trust!! I think its the core of the whole thing! and somehow, to my knowledge everyone seems to be discard that, not because they simplky forget or don't believe in it, but I think its because people who created that concepts and told the world about it, took trust for granted and they have to mention it, yet we simply want people to work in teamwork and forget that people won't trust each other!!

A simple example, we don't trust the colleague we work with for 8 o 9 hours a day to tell him how we really feel about the job and our boss, not because we are afraid, but we don't trust him!!

It's stupid and its what making us look stupid all over the world, just open the TV and watch the news regarding Palestine!!!

I don't watch the news anymore, because its something shameful!! Our land is taken by force, mother are seeing their own children killed!! Sisters are crying over their brothers and fathers!! the sorrow and grief our fathers and grandfathers shown in their eyes are unbearable, and still we fight over power... when will we ever learn?

I am not the into history and politics and most of the things they talk about I dont understand, and to tell you the truth, I really dont want to know! But I have learned one thing, divide and conquer! It is a lesson that we took in the hard way, its been 90 years!! The people who conquered us had this thing down to the bones!! not only between the arab world, but between every one, and sometime between the individuals themselves!! Its shameful.... we should be ashamed of ourselves that we are so weak that we have let them place that in us!!!

A very funny post.

2009-10-02T22:40:00.003+03:00

I feel funny. (not like a comedian, but I have this feeling that I cant describe, its happiness melted in love and blended with comfort, really strange feeling.)

So technically this post is a way for me to remember this feeling, if it works then I should always do it. I had this feeling for an hour now, it struck me after a two hour phone call with someone that is very special to me.

The outcome of this phone call was not at ALL as I thought it would be, ideas I thought I would have if I ever have this phone call just evaporated into the air, and new beautiful thoughts replaced them. I thought if things went wrong, I would be angry, but I am not, instead I am happy.

Memories, good and bad, stormed my head and instead of feeling angry and regret for the bad ones, I feel happy. Words cant describe what I feel, so i hope those memories will once make me feel the same.

This is literally, a happy post.

Need Some Motivation??

2009-10-01T17:16:00.003+03:00

A friend of mine have posted this video on facebook, when I read the title the only thing I have thought about, is how to make fun of it! (Since I know the guy!)

Anyway, when I saw it, it was one hell of a video, and I really felt 'motivated'.

Hope you will feel motivated as much as I am.

Bseer akhod sho6!!!

2009-09-30T08:39:00.004+03:00

I always wanted to be a fighter pilot, not for anything, but the idea of having myself trapped in a very small cockpit and speeding to sound speed gets me really happy!!

Do you think I will ever have the chance to drive one!!

bidde sho6!!!

Take the time, but not all of it!

2009-09-23T10:39:00.007+03:00

When I was in collage, I had this principle, a stupid one, but seems to work fine,

'You'll never know the sweet taste of an A unless you try the bitterness of an F'

I am having a problem with a dear friend of mine. He is having some major problems with the girl. Things didn't go well and they are not together anymore. Is that the end of the world? OK, take your time, go through the whole process; denial, carelessness, anxiety, anger, ask questions and make unfair assumptions; but for God's sake don't take too long. I cant think of anyone I know who wasn't in that position, we all have been there, maybe not with the same details, but I can assure you, they all come down to one thing; they all end, happy or sad endings, they end!!

I say take your time, and express the feeling. If you are down and mad because things didn't go well between you and your girlfriend just take your time and live that 'blue' life and gradually get out of it. If you are happy, be contageous, make the people around you happy too, spread the happiness around and let the people around you know why are you happy, after all maybe someone will try it and also be happy, just like you!!

You have to respect and cherish what god gave you. Life.

Happy Post #1

2009-09-14T21:12:00.004+03:00

Since I am trying to become a happy posting type of person!

I will start with this!

If you really look into it and know how those people did this! you MUST respect the effort the those people made to get with something like this!!

Enjoy!

Its about time, dont you think??

2009-09-14T20:49:00.003+03:00

I just noticed something. Ana nikid!!

I was just reading the older posts that I have once wrote, trying to place myself as a different person, the only thing I can say about the person who is writing here, NIKID!!!I am not like that!!

I have to admit that I had a lot of downs in the past year, but why do I always insist on sharing il nakad over here! I have no idea! I had lots of happy times and wonderful moments, yet why do I always tend to share il nakad I really dont know!!

Maybe because a lot of times when I was trying to have the 'happy' mode switched on, I had someone telling me that I have to take life more 'seriously'!!! like that interview I had once!!! However, no more nakad! I promise that I will try my best to keep this a happy blog!! So I need your help, whoever reads il nakad here, to tell me if I am doing a good job :)

Beside the fact of having the nakad overwhelming, its too boring!! So I am planning to start posting videos and sharing a lot of things I spend a lot of time reading over the internet. Hopefully people will get more amused.

What happened to 'me'?

2009-09-07T23:24:00.005+03:00

Two years ago,

I didn't care if I was going out in the rain wearing a short sleeved shirt, because I wasn't the type of person that gets sick so easily, and I had a very powerful stomach, I could eat things that could make normal people vomit and not even give me the slightest effect.

I could stay up all night and connect three days together without feeling dizzy and sick and ace a test if I had one, now I hibernate like a bear and not having enough strength to get more than 18 hours a day connected without having to eat and sleep or rest.

I had the capability of staying silent when someone annoys me and drop the subject in that very moment and walk away from troubles so I don't lose a dear friend or an acquaintance. Now if someone annoys me I speak up what I have in my head, make it very clear that I am annoyed and I simply dont care if I lose a friend or a a possible one.

Everything was clear, its either black or white, nothing in between. Things were either bright white, or dead black, no hesitation at all. I took the step and thought about the consequences later, I was outgoing and went to what I want, direct. Now I spend more time thinking about doing something than I actually do it. Hesitation is my new consultant, I have to think of every single itsy bitsy tine winy consequence that might happen.

I want..

2009-09-07T23:13:00.002+03:00

I want to live in a world where I don't have to struggle to get an internet connection, and not to call the ISP more than seven times, to connect using the pathetic speed they mock us with.

I want to walk in my own country, and take photos without having the police force questioning my intentions, and telling me its forbidden.

I want to live in a place where people don't consider truth as rudeness, and hates you for saying it.

I want to go out with a female and not revise every single word I am about to say three times, so she wont 'get it wrong' and thinks I want to get married to her!!

I want to live in a world where females are 'females' and males are 'males'.

I want to live in a world where people talk only when they have to, and shut the hell up when they have nothing useful to say.

I want to witness a place that is not a coffee shop in Amman that I can get to that doesnt sell alcohol and if they dont sell alcohol its not a 'coubles' place.

I want to live in a world where money is something, not everything.

I want to live a simple life, as a normal 24 years old male.

I am in love with Google..

2009-08-21T08:35:00.001+03:00

I have spent the last 8 hours on the internet just to try to understand how this world wide web thing works, and unfortunately the closer I think I get to the answer, the farther it seems, its like a mirage!!

Anyway, since I am trying to get my own website, (or domain) I got that from Google, and started using the Google Apps!!! A totally new world for me!!
I am so taken by this company that I even searched about if they are going to make their own operating system, which seems to be yes, sometime next year. And I am going to get that operating system, because to me, Google is the company that never failed! as an end user with little much to ask, Google has much to offer!

Well, I better go sleep because I have a great day tomorrow in research and "web design".

Lazy Summer...

2009-08-11T19:06:00.003+03:00

I have been away from the lights, Reading all the blogs in silence, not commenting on anything but rarely. I am too lazy lately to comment or do any activity on the internet even though I am spending more time on the internet than I spent with my family, its just I prefer to stay still and observe.

Sometime later this century I will announce the opening of my own website or domain or whatever!!! It is something that I once wanted and now it is due. So this is a call for help, anyone who know about a very easy or a place for website building gadgets or anything (I dont know what they are called, this is something new for my and I am trying this to expand my knowledge :S)

So anyone, please help... :)

Six years younger 'me'

2009-08-03T12:17:00.005+03:00

I have certain beliefs about life, some are unique and the other I think they belong into a something that I have no idea what its called and I dont care really. It is what I believe in and I dont think a name will change it.

One of the things I believe in is that every choice you make in life will somehow affect you later, people with network and flow charts can know what I am talking about, every action you make will open certain endings thus create the path of life you are living, I always had this idea when reading anything regarding network diagrams.

What would I say to the person that used to be me 6 years ago? If I had a machine the could set a meeting to sit with the old me, how will I confront 'me'? What are the excuses I will give for not making 'his' dreams come true? Will 'he' understand the language I am talking? What will be 'his' first impression about me now? Will 'he' be sad, disappointed or even feel pity? I wish I can know the answer.

I try my best not to hurt anyone in front of me, and 'put myself in their shoes', but this thought of having a chance to talk to the six years younger 'me' is annoying, even if its impossible. I can fool all, I can act that I am ok on the largest audience, I can convince all that all of the choices made in my life was the right ones even if I dont believe in it. I dont care what the person in front of me thinks about me, but.... what if this person was 'me'?

Where shall I go? I need HELP!!

2009-07-16T17:49:00.004+03:00

If you ever watch the Euronews channel on TV you would one thing that is -unfortunately- I must say that we lack badly. My father made me notice this thing, if you ever watch the news on the television, wether Jazeera, Arabeya or even CNN almost 70% of what you are about to hear is news that are somehow disturbing to human beings. "An explosion in Iraq killed a number and twice that injured" , the israeli forces entered a village or a city and captured 50 young men during the examination period". Something we look as something usual and got used to it and we cant do anything but pray for the families and parents of murdered innocent children. May god help them for such tragedy.

When you look at this channel, Euronews, you will also hear about such news but only briefly, I am not into politics and to tell you the truth I never was, so I cant say if they are subjective in the presentation of news and their credibility. When you see what that channel broadcast you will be amazed by such. almost 50% of what they broadcast is about the art galleries and museums in the region.

I have a reason to talk about such thing, the other day when I was in this course about PR (Public Relations) the instructor or the trainer asked us about 5 to 6 questions that no one in the class answered, and I was ashamed of such position, I knew none of the answers!!

One of the questions was: Name 5 museums in Amman? No one answered. the second was even worse: Name 5 libraries in Jordan? Ouch!!! I only know 3, and I can only go to two!! And sorry to say, it has nothing to do with any of my interests! So I never visited them.

I have spent couple of days and an hour before writing this looking and searching about certain places regarding cultural a place to visit, like a museum or a library at least to kill my spare time. I came back with very few and I MEAN FEW!! I am not very happy and in fact, I am somehow frustrated!!!

Jordan. A country where the most brilliant people with different majors, artists with great passion and creativity lacks public libraries and museums!!! It is very annoying to me (I am talking about my field) when I go to one of the libraries to find the number of books in engineering less than 150 titles!! Its very annoying to me that I have lived more that 20 years in this great city and wonderful country and I have no idea where to go to take pictures!! Am I looking in the wrong places? I could really appreciate some information about the places that I can go and visit!!

I am not complaining, but I really would like some information about the places in Amman that I can go and read a book in a PUBLIC library, instead of a coffee house!

So please if anyone knows about a place please do let me know, and I will visit and I promise to be a good citizen and try to make this alive, at least in this blog!

Get me a job, or get lost!!

2009-07-03T14:46:00.004+03:00

I still don't have a job, and I am getting used to it.

There are three types of people around me. The first type is my friends that if they know that I don't have a job, they don't mind me talking about the miserable life I have been leading for a while, and will somehow encourage me by sometime telling that they heard the need someone in a that company and so, those are my daily friends, I see them everyday so they cant be the of the second type since they know me; they know me.

The second type is the type of people you know once had a course in the uni with and you run into him in the street and all the "kaifak?shu akhbarak? 3a rasi 7abibi (since you forgot his name) shu sar ma3ak? , the same reply is always the same, "walla nothing much, I am still looking for a job". What makes the second type so special is that they don't care about you finding you a job, but they act as if they do and you will see different ways of cheering you up, I must admit the worst is (ya zalameh laish mista3jel, mil7eg 3al garaf)!! with such ^cheering^ i would like to smack his head to a wall and let him have this holiday the company didn't give him for 2 years, or at least that's what he claims :). For some reason this type gives me hope.

The third type is the most annoying one, the type that keeps asking questions you don't really want to answer either to yourself or to anyone on the face of the earth. What is your GPA? Why is it that low? What were you doing in the university to get such a GPA? Didn't I tell you that this will affect you later on? See?? Where did you apply? What did they say? Why aren't they calling you back? It must have been your fault? Instead of the photography crap you are doing, why don't you take a course or two to improve yourself? and lots of other questions that really gets on your nerve.

The interrogation goes on for an hour or two with the questions getting more personal and my blood pressure rising until I start being aggressive ( and notice that I admit that I become aggressive, that means aggressive). I don't want to be such a person and I really don't want to talk about it, why cant the third type be like the first and the second, and mind their own damn business?

A week ago I sat with someone of the third type, who was a friend I didn't see or talk to for a while. After the long interrogation that mainly made me go into a slight state of depression and making me feel as if its all my fault, I just wanted to say one thing.

'Get me a job, or get lost.'

Black and white film roll.

2009-06-28T09:43:00.005+03:00

I remember when I was in high school and especially in tawjihi, the smallest things made me so happy. This incident happened when I was 7 years ago and I sometimes use it as a benchmark to happiness now in my life. When I was shopping once with my mom, I told her that I wanted to buy nescafe so I can study more (I thought I was going to study more).

When I reached for the nescafe I noticed that they were marketing the 'red mug', the one I always saw in TV commercials and ALWAYS wanted it! I grabbed it and took it to our cart with happiness over flooding my face. I was a happy baby for 15 minutes in the supermarket that couldn't wait to get home to play with his newly bought toy :P

Today I had the same experience, only a different scale, I got an expired film roll of black and white. I loaded it to my F-1 and I am willing to take 36 photographs that resemble something old (il balad or waibdeh). I am happy and excited, at least a 'major change' in my boring life :)

Hopefully, if they are considerably good, I will post them and share you people my happiness of a B&W film roll.

Recently, I am a bat.

2009-06-25T09:51:00.003+03:00

I will admit it, its not funny nor amusing anymore. It struck me yesterday and I wasn't very happy about it, so I had to blog about it today; so people wont read my french.

For about three weeks exactly now, I have been living like a bat, awake all night and sleeping all day long. Technically, according to my biological time, I am living in the U.S. physically but mentally I am in Amman. I have turned into a lemon, since no sun is hitting my face, and also I lost about 4 kilos, and that is a considerable amount concerning my weight!!!

I have tried every trick in the world (excluding alcohol) to make me fall asleep... physical workout, reading, milk, damn it I even started reading and nothing is working. So I must admit that its not funny anymore and I am not that in love with the 'sahar' anymore :(

All that time I have a certain schedule, starting from 7:30 I go to a coffee house, so I can enjoy the cup of coffee in the 'morning' and post a blog if I had something on mind. Then, I go back home around 11:30 to eat a sandwich and hibernate until around 5 or 6 pm. Since I wake up at that hideous time of the day, especially in summer, I do literally nothing. After doing nothing, I sit with the family and get ready to see my friends. I usually meet them to play Call of Duty. After the game is finished I am back home around 1:30 to start my web surfing once again until 7:30 am and the schedule starts again. I need a change, or a regular life; a humans one, not a bat's one.

To my fellow engineer...

2009-06-22T09:24:00.004+03:00

I don't know where to start, probably a personal experiment is the best way.

I am an unemployed IE (Industrial Engineer), to many people they consider this a branch of management rather than engineering, just like I consider architecture a branch of arts!! The only difference I know much more math and physics than they do :)

I have known since I was in tenth grade, that I was going to become an engineer, a mechanical/aeronautical engineer was what I was longing for, but times change and decisions are affected by people around us. Long story short, I chose Industrial Engineering over pharmacy and mechanical engineering (since aeronautical engineering didn't exist in Jordan when I went to the university). It took me 4 and half years to realize what I was studying. Many factors involved; and frankly, I blame the system. We were not given the appropriate guidance from the university and school, but somehow that doesn't matter now. Even after almost 100 years from the existence of 'Industrial Engineering' people still don't know what the hell it is, and sometimes, even I mix up!!

I will give you an example of a struggle I had when I was a third year student. I was taking a course called 'Numerical Methods for Engineers', I thought it was redundant and had nothing to do with us, the IE's. I was wrong. It turned out to be one of the major things an Industrial Engineer should excel in (in an ideal case) along with programming and computer sciences a.k.a IT. At that time we were taking science, that to us, seemed to be useless and redundant. So I thought I made the wrong decision by going to the engineering and especially my department. Time passed by and things got clearer and courses got more interesting than boring math and things you solve just because the exam is ahead and you have to pass. Things were making sense.

You are probably thinking that you made a bad choice by studying engineering, allow me to tell you that you didn't. When it comes to engineering, I believe its the best thing ever happened to mankind. If you are capable of becoming an engineer, then you are capable of doing anything on the face of the earth and understanding everything around us. If you have something else in mind, then you should go for it. I had photography in mind and also aeronautical engineering. I downloaded couple of e-books and started reading, something engineering taught me; to read. Until I satisfied my needs and took what I want from both; photography and aeronautics.

No one hated Industrial Engineering as much as I did in my last year in collage. Believe me, I love it now and I am proud to say that I am an Industrial Engineer, I am proud of being an Engineer, and so should you my fellow engineer.

An HDR experiment, wasted!!!

2009-06-22T08:37:00.004+03:00

Maybe most of the people out there, who knows about my existence on the world wide web, or even know that I am alive are certain about my love to photography.

The other day when I had nothing to do in the evening, I called a friend of mine that I like to call him my photography model, since he is the only one that doesn't have a problem by me taking pictures of him. I met him and drove of to one of the biggest -if not the biggest- park in Jordan; Hada'eq Al-hussein. My only goal was to take a photograph to experiment on something called HDR (High Dynamic Range) photography, something a fellow photographer once told me about. So I did my homework, browsed the net and took notes. The next logical step is to try HDR. I needed an object that is well lit, and the background is dark to create a high contrast to have the best HDR can offer. My intentional object was the mosque near the Park. Masjed Il Malek Abdullah.

So we went there on a thursday night and before I place my tripod and camera, I was trying to be a good citizen and ask the authorities if I was allowed to take a picture of the mosque at that time. When I started asking about the possibility of taking a picture he answered very quickly NO!! I thought; 'OK, that was fast. I didn't finish the request!!!' So since this person is not a person you can logic with, I had to see his logic, I wish I didn't...

His explanation to me is that it is a critical area since governmental offices are near and I need clearance from the Royal Hashemite Court (الديوان الملكي)!!! I stood there astonished by the explanation he gave me. I looked around and there was nothing critical around me, no offices no nothing. I am aware that near by there are certain buildings of serious issues, that I will NOT put them in my viewfinder!!! I thanked him and walked away with disappointment; so much for the HDR experiment!!!

My question is: Why? seriously speaking, WHY?????

What are the capabilities of a Nikon D60 that are so devastating and threatening that I cant take a picture in? Why am I not allowed to take a picture of that mosque using a semi-professional camera, while people can take endless photos using snap-shot cameras? Why do we always treat the citizen as a guilty person and think wrongfully of him?

I am a Jordanian citizen, and I am proud of it! Why on the face of the earth will I threaten my own country and jeopardize my family and people's security and safety? I thank god every night as I go back home late at night, for the security that many people and countries lack, why am I indirectly insulted by threatening that?

Damn it, its just a photo....do you think he knows what Google Earth is???

Velocity

2009-06-22T08:27:00.002+03:00

I am not usually the reading type of person, but since I have lots of time and nothing to do, I had no choice but to start reading at least to drift away from my exquisitely boring life style. Couple of days I finished Velocity; a novel written by Dean Koontz.

I am not a critic and I don't have that literature taste of words and sentence structure. However the book was pretty good and was quite amusing. The main story is about a lonely man, or at least someone who minds his own business is stalked and followed by a psycho killer that thinks of his murders and making people suffer as art!! Great way of thinking!!!

The novel is definitely a one-go read, you get really into it and you just want to know what is going to happen next, so its pretty good at least to me.

Since I have only couple of books in my life -The Godfather (of course) and Princess, I tend to always compare the books I read with The Godfather. It is not as good, but its definitely better than Roots, at least the pace is higher and the surroundings are less detailed.

In the end, its a good book, hope you enjoy reading it as I did.

Useless General Knowledge

2009-06-17T04:07:00.005+03:00

I was once talking with a fellow student, a female student about a book in my hand, the book was related to thermal fluids and heat transfer. At that period of time all was OK with me, high GPA and smiling all the time. I was the pleasant and a cheerful kind of a person.

I was talking to her about the fluids and the famous Bernoulli equation. A topic led to another and I started talking about the WWII fighters and bombers (I am obsessed with aviation and fighters) and the generals of the second world war and how Hitler's general took bad decisions and so on, I was so amused, and I can assure you she was bored. I sometimes talk too much and get carried away especially when it is something I like and well informed about, which are boring stuff.

After around 10 minutes or something of continuous babbling, she looked at me and said something until now, I don't understand. She told me that I have so many useless information.

Is general knowledge now considered useless? Have this world became a place where we should only know about one thing and nothing more!! What happened in between my father generation and our generation? I look at my father's text book in collage, and I am stunned by the amount of useless information they took? Europe's History, since the dark ages till the modern time, (at that time it was 1960), was the book that fell in my hands the other day...What happened? Aren't we supposed to be more than that? Whats better, being a mile wide and an inch deep, or a mile deep and inch wide?

A Bouquets of Freshly Sharpened Pencils

2009-06-11T21:55:00.006+03:00

One of my favourite movies ever, is You've Got Mail. I enjoyed it every time I saw it, its very simple polite and a family movie. I always admired the part when Tom Hanks sent this to Meg Ryan telling her that he would sent a bouquet of sharpened pencils to her if he knew her name and address.

I loved this and always wanted to have a massive amount of newly sharpened pencils. What I did, is went and bought a dozen, sharpen them, and took a photo of them, as you can see :)

I have this weakness toward stationary and school supply, I spend alot of time at the bookshop amazed by the shapes and colors of erasers, pens, and mainly pencils. It makes forget everything on top of my head and just feel like a child.

If ever got the chance to be with anyone, she must love school supplies, and on her birthday I would definitely buy her a a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils.

Garfan!!!

2009-06-10T04:34:00.005+03:00

I have erased more than 4 blogs already since I have nothing good to write, or at least nothing in mind. The last month was full of occasions and tasks for me and they all ended around the same period of time. We moved to another house, preparations for my sister's wedding and the arrival of my eldest brothers among the other daily chores that never seem to end.

For the past two weeks I didn't have a problem sleeping, even though my sleeping and waking up schedule is a bit mixed up, but at least I would fall asleep once I place my head on the pillow, what a blessing!!! My time was full, not in an organized manner, but at least it was full and i had something to do.

Now that the wedding is over, my brothers flew back to gulf, and everything in the house in place and most importantly me not having a job....nothing but emptiness and insomnia. I have done every trick in the world to sleep early or to fall asleep once I lay my head on the pillow, but nothing worked. I lay here staring at the ceiling waiting for the sun to rise so I can fall asleep, so the counter will increment the days of absolute nothingness.

Simply, I'm bored.

Angels and Demons...

2009-06-08T04:23:00.003+03:00

is a very nice movie I loved it because of Tom Hanks. Note that I didn't read the book and I don't intend to do so, since i already know the ending, i think its a waste of time to read the book, after all its just a novel, and i don't have the 'read buds', so i cant taste the beauty of the author writings...

What made me somehow feel bitter after watching the movie is ourselves, arabs and muslims or let me say our great grandfathers! I'm not going to talk about the religion and science approach to prove if god existed or not, I am not that religious and I'm not a scientist so I'm not eligible to talk about neither. I was astonished by the artistic work at the cathedrals and churches along the vatican and I almost fainted when the scene of the vatican archives (I am very weak when it comes to libraries and office supplies, especially the smell of DC-FIX il-tajleed) I was taken by the way that they kept documents for more than 400 or 500 years and they gaurded it and technically cherished it!! Do we have such thing? Do we keep archives for similar valuable documents and science books? (I'm not talking about the qur'an!!! I'm talking about the books of ibn sina or khawarizme, do we have the orginal copies they wrote??? )

I dont know if that is a normal thing to feel, but i was really annoyed when i saw that clip or scene, this knowledge they gained was transferred from the muslim world to them, they took care of it and used it, and we..... well, I imagine you got the idea.

I'm in love with technology!

2009-05-27T18:05:00.001+03:00

Having so many communication devices is considered to be to some people a way of violating their privacy and handing a chance for stalkers to stalk them, I sometimes agree but no one can deny the fact of the uses of technology! For example i'm sitting in a place drinking 'free' coffee (buy six and get one free) waiting for my friend to join me! And i'm killing time by blogging!!

Ok, me have to go, had to blog this because i can't remember a day for at least 3 years back, i was THIS broke!! Il hamdila 3ala kul she!! :-)

Whats with the weather!!!

2009-05-14T19:44:00.004+03:00

For the past week, I have seen the four seasons all together everyday. In the morning, a breeze that is so refreshing, reminded me of the spring especially with the 'trees' in Amman. Around 12 or 1 pm its hell. Summer from hell came to us and you just cant do anything!!! In the evening, its fall, I cant describe it but i felt everyday of the week , its fall. At night, freezing, I took out my 'heavy duty' coat couple of days ago because I was freezing!!!

I sometimes forget the fact we are in MAY!! we are supposed to be boiling now, that's how i remember May when i was at school!!! What happened??? Last year I celebrated my birthday wearing a short sleeve shirt; in November!!!!

so weather..... whats wrong?

The Interview

2009-05-12T04:32:00.006+03:00

I've had my share of interviews during the last one year and 5 months, so technically I know almost every question the are going to ask, I know them, but I never actually cared about what it means, I answered in every single interview the question with the utmost honesty -the truth and nothing but the truth- and it never seemed to work, not until now at least!!!

Now I understood from a freind that she is a freelancer HR company owner or something, he used the term headhunter. So she technically takes a percentage after I am hired, to be honest with you, when my freind told me this, i felt used.

So I went to the coffee shop, ordered my drink and waited for her to come. I lit up a cigarette because it seems that I was too early and I wanted something to have with the coffee. Then she came and joined me, hello and all that crap!! She saw the cigarette on the ashtray as I reached for it and asked: "do you smoke?" and i answered: "yes, is that a problem, would you like me to turn it off?" No, she replied as i thought that this is OK, and had the idea that this is going to be good. I was wrong.

The questions came along, and of course the ones I like the most, Tell me about yourself, who are you? what are your likes and dislikes? MAN I HATE THAT QUESTION!!!! Not for anything, but I am 100% sure that YOU dont care!! why to even bother!! everyone knows that you are going to give me a salary that is barely enough for my coffee and cigarettes!!! and i am going to work more than 60 hours a week and you wont be satisfied, and once I have a better offer I will simply leave!!!EVERYONE KNOWS THAT!!! It an unwritten rule, law or deal when you go to interviews as a fresh graduate- I answered the damned questions, I dont know what I answered and I really dont care anymore!

So she kept asking me the 'new' type of questions:

-"If I asked your family about you? What would they say?"

- "If I asked your professors in the university about you, what would they say?"

- "If we asked silfet 3ammet khalet abuk, what would she say?"

How the hell am I supposed to know? If you are that concerned about what will people say about me, go ask them, dont ask me!!! I don't see myself asking you what is the opinion of your neighbor about you?? I dont know what they will answer and i really dont care! and what am I or the people they ask are supposed to answer, huh? "Well 3ala2 is a very hard worker, he is very honest and self-motivated, he is SUPERMAN, BATMAN, IRONMAN (btw, is the movie good still havent seen that one) and SPIDERMAN all in one, he is PERFECT!!!!"

One question to the HR people in the world, do you REALLY care?!?!?!?!? I really dont think you do to be honest!! I dont think you give a damn if i was honest, self-motivated, hardworker, smart, dumb, willing to work late,lazy, came on time or anything else that I cant think of right now, you just dont give a damn!!!

Anyway, she kept asking the irrelevant questions, then she told me, that her client (the one I am supposed to work for later on) is a fashion company and the work there is mainly following up the goods!!! Then she told me that I should take an interview more seriously, meaning about the clothing ( I was wearing pants and a shirt)! at that point I had the click in my head to smash her to the window! (She pissed me off, I felt like a clown). She calls me to an interview in a coffee house and asks me to be more serious!!!!! I kept my hands in place and made sure not to say anything out of the way, and gave her the smile -the one that usually means, if only I could do it AND get away with it. She decided that the interview had ended, so I took my coffee and stuff and went to a far table, couple of cigarettes to cool me down and left. She didnt call back for a second interview where I am supposed to be more serious and I hibernated like a bear.

I really dont know what to do? I have once been considered as an aggressive and NOT-straight forward person in an interview when I took it serious and tried to be professional, and now when I try to loosen up and make couple of jokes to break the ice, I became a clown?!!?? I dont get it really??

I was ME, and I think this is what is supposed to matter!

A Job Interview....AGAIN!!!!

2009-05-10T08:51:00.003+03:00

Thursday morning I got this phone call from some strange number that I don't know while I was sleeping, -at 2 o'clock in the afternoon!!! I don't have a job, and i don't have a reason to wake up early in the morning, anyway-so I answer the phone with my voice zay ma akinne bale3 ghool billeil and it was something like this

{

Woman on Phone: Alo, mar7aba, mumken a7ki m3 il muhandes 3ala2?

Me: Aiwa, 3ala2 bi7ki! (with the voice of a monster)

woman: mar7aba, ma3ak (a name I can't remember) min (god knows where) 7abbeen n2ablak 3ashan vacany 3inna? fe majal?

Me: (with my voice starting to wake up) ah 6ab3an, emta bit7ibbo?

Woman: yom il 2a7ad il sa3a 3asahara b (the place), bti3rafo?

It is a coffee house that I spent my evening last night in!!!!

Me: ah ba3rafo, yom il 2a7ad il sa3a 3ashara ma3 7adirtek?

Woman: la2 ra7 t2ablak madam X! khalas, athabbet ma3aha willa il wa2t ma benasbak??

To be very honest, i was offended, I felt she was mocking the fact that I was sleeping at 2 in the afternoon, but i overlooked that point.

Me: ah ma fee mushkeleh il sa3a 3ashara, yom il 2a7ad?

Woman: tamam, good luck inshalla.

Me: shukran :)

}

I took my time to understand what just happened, and then i realized that its a coffee house, and I am going out to make an interview!!!! What am i supposed to do???? I mean, in all the other interviews, I went it was a an office inside the company with an HR person from within the company! Now what am i supposed to do? Shall I buy the drink for madam X??? Or she is the one that is going to buy the coffee?? Another thing, am I allowed to smoke during the interview?? I am a heavy smoker after all!!!!

So today is my interview after 40 minutes and I don't what to do!!!!I had so many interviews before but this type is very new to me, I hope I don't have to make an IQ test regarding the stupid shapes they get from the internet about optical illusion, I HATE THEM!!! I feel like a 5th grade student when making them!!

oo azzeedkom min il shi3ir bait... I didn't sleep last night, and when i started to drive in the morning, a bird left me a present on my windshield when i was doing 60 mph!!!

I hope that's the birds' way of saying GOOD LUCK.

Who defines us?

2009-04-18T07:38:00.004+03:00

When your friend is late and you are alone in the coffee house waiting for him you start having strange ideas, conclusions and inquiries. I once made a certain explanation to the deja vu as the intersection point or the leap one makes from one world into another parallel one.It doesn't make sense and its against all the math and physics in the world, but it sounds fancy when I say it, and to me, it somehow makes sense!!!

One other question is who defines us or you? When the my father's family gather at the holidays and feasts I always feel as an outcast, they have very different way of thinking and attitude about certain things, and the same thing when I gather with the other side of the family. Two types of blood run in my veins, since my father is from a different race than my mother, but the problem is that I don't feel the belongings to any of them, both families look at me as an outcast!! So when people ask me where is my heart or to whom I belong, I simply and without thinking answer: to ME.

I came to the conclusion that whatever is the blood running in your veins, YOU are responsible for making the definition of your own self. Its not the blood nor your father's birth place, it's how you interact with people around you and the beliefs you carry. I don't know if this is right or wrong, or if its partially right or partially wrong, but it makes sense to me, just like the intersection of the two parallel worlds.

I've Got Mail :)

2009-04-15T13:14:00.004+03:00

I always dreamt of having my own post office box where i can recieve mail, not the e-mail or facebook ,no, the traditional thing with the stamps and envelopes. It makes me feel as if I am living in the 70's or 60's where everything seemed to the people pure and innocent, unlike these days when everything around you is either artificial or simply impure.

With the end of 2008 I tried to make all of my childish dreams come true, like having an ATM card with MY name on it (I used to hold my father's expired American Express) so instead of one ATM card, I have now six (6ab3an kulhom ma feehom 3 dananeer, bas il fikra that counts) and also I opened a mailbox.

Today since my freind told me he sent me the package I went to the post office wishing the package is not stolen, lost or held for extra charge, so I entered the post office trying my best not to show that I am eager for a simple package and act as if checking the mailbox is one of the routines that I wish I could make someone else do it. As I opened the small door of the box I saw the package inside and I couldnt hide my happiness, even the postman thier gave me a strange look, I am pretty sure he thought there was money in the package!!!

I held the package in hand, gave that serious look on my face as if I am wondering "meen ba3at hal 6ard had???!!!!" but again, my happiness was overwhelming when i saw MY name over MY P.O. Box number. I walked out of the post office holding that thick package in my hand and I was happy.

It might sound a bit silly to write about a package I got in mail, but to me its more than a package its something entirely different, its a package for ME, in MY mailbox. Its MY dream come true.

The package was a notebook I asked a freind of mine send it to me :)

A Gentleman

2009-04-11T11:00:00.008+03:00

I will never forget the day when i walked a dear female friend for her mom to pick her up, we reached the meeting spot earlier, and i stayed there standing with her since it was starting to get dark until her mom came, when the car pulled over and my friend got in, I approached and said hello, greeted her mother and went on of to find a cab. The next day, my friend told me that her mom thanks me and said that i was a gentleman because I waited until her mom picked her up.

What happened to the values of men? How did we reach to a point where standing beside a female when darkness fall to at least give her the feel of security become something extraordinary or something to thank for?

Its such a shame.

I WAS MEAN, AND I DIDNT MEAN IT

2009-04-02T02:21:00.002+03:00

I'm the type of person that never looked so welcoming when people see me the first time, I always have this knot across my forehead accompanied with the serious looking face. I never cared about it, after all I know that I am a very easygoing person, and people always tell me, we never thought that you are that friendly, I heard that so many times and to be honest, it is a relief.

Today, was the exact opposite, I was mean to someone, when this someone always knew me as the 'friendly' person, it was weird and uncomfortable. Making a long story short, this person hurted me badly couple of times before, and I took an oath once to have my revenge, not to hurt them, god knows that I cant, even if I want to, but at least to show them that I was hurt, and even if I always smile I sometimes get hurt, so the only thing I had in mind, to treat them like any other person, and to treat them special, and so I did. I felt terrible afterward.

They didn't say anything and I could feel that they are puzzled by my meanness, and that made me feel even more terrible, but the two thoughts that were really annoying and made me feel like hell is what if they were hurt, I don't want them to be hurt? also I wanted to see them for a considerable amount of time, and when I saw them, I was mean.

I hope that someday this someone will understand why I was mean and know that I didn't mean to be THAT mean.

I'm Sorry.

New OS on the computer...

2009-03-16T08:19:00.003+02:00

I was so happy when i got this computer because it was working fine, no viruses, trojans or anything. I had a Windows Vista on it, and i was so taken by the interface and the colors, i felt like a small kid, but the being a small kid inside, i had to remove the vista and install the Windows XP so i can a play a game called CnC Generals (Its really nice and time killing).

The problem is that i have some problems like not having certain drivers, the very important ones, like the SD reader, which i use for transferring the photos from the camera to the laptop for uploading, and the power saving options that i use very often. I am very unhappy with it, but yet i will try to solve these things so i can kill time using the glorious game GENERALS :)

I have posted a link to one of my favourite style in photography, or shall I say 'fuctography'. He is definitely a mentor and a muse, the cinematic touch he adds to the photos are one of a kind.

Thanks Raphee.

An unexpected end...

2009-03-02T10:03:00.004+02:00

I bench mark all of the bad things happening to me to one week a year ago, where everything was going wrong and all was crumbling down, my studies, graduation project and personal life. Everything.

That 'bad' week started on a Sunday and continued all the way to Thursday, not taking a day off, and every day was much worse than the day before so the peak was on Thursday late at night...until i saw THEM.

While hanging out with the friends in the neighborhood very late that night, one of my friends noticed a floor on the next building, not very far away from us is on fire. So we called the fire department I rushed to meet them at a near well known place to guide them inside the neighborhood, when the truck reached the site the firefighters get of the car and with no hesitation rushed inside the building to put off the fire. Thank god no causalities or great damage occurred it was a 'simple' fire case. So the firefighters went down after their task completed and debriefed over the radio to the station and started tiding up. Then i saw HIM.

He was leaning over the wall when he pulled out a cigarette out of the box and his colleague offered the light, lit the cigarette and took the first inhale and said something to the light provider and then they bursted into laughs. I could not stop staring at them. The place i live in, we don't have that much of action, fire and thefts, I live in a pretty calm place, so this was all new to me. the over whelming thought was that these firemen, twenty minutes ago was rushing into a place they had no idea about, the only thing they knew was, the place is on fire!!!!! To be honest that fact is alone a reason for me not to go!!!! but they rushed in there, not knowing if the ceiling will fall or a gas barrel would blow of, making a 'disastrous' case instead of a 'simple' case!! got their job done, and came out and reported the case and leaned over a wall, have a cigarette and LAUGH!!!! I couldn't understand that, and i don't think i will ever do, it was too much for me that day!!!

I looked at them, actually i stared at them wondering, what kind of a life this individual have? does he have a mother? and if he does, does she know what he does for a living? I hope not!!! Does he have children? did he volunteer to do this? and if he did? what was his job description??? KAIF 7ALO???? I was shocked. and i was rarely shocked those days!!!!!

When i went to bed that night, i started to think, really think, what are my problems? after a lot of serious thinking, I had none, they are not more than little bumps in my life, others call challenges!

Cheers to those men , who i have no idea about their rank or name, for they made me realize that whatever happens,no matter how much my life goes down the drain, I just have to thank god for the 'tiny' things I have.

Il 7amdullilah 3al kul she.

Why do I Blog??

2009-02-16T09:09:00.002+02:00

As I go through many blogs, some of i really enjoy reading and others i use a treatment for sleeplessness, many of the people used this term 'why do I blog?' so i thought it is some unwritten rule that no one told me about....

To be extremely honest to all the people who might be reading this, and to myslef, I HAVE NO IDEA why i am blogging. I am not that outgoing person that keeps on talking for nothing, but i am sure a person who writes for nothing :). If you have ever watched a movie for Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks caled You've got mail, in almost every part of the movie the sound of keyboard buttons clicking is there, and i love it, so i keep on typing so i can hear that sound, also the idea of knowing people without really knowing them is great. Lots of the topics or articles I enjoy reading are the inner struggles people cant easily tell you, even after sitting with them for a very long time, but using this 'invention' you go straight to the point, and thats why i like it, you get the inner core of someone and his deepest thoughts, without really knowing them.

When i first started this thing, the button "next blog" on the bar at the top of the page took me to a person's blog, that made me idle for a certain time. I was away from Amman, and i missed it badly, and this person was talking about it, i was like OMG,IT CANT BE!!!!! and this blogger was very kind to give me certain advices, was very kind to me, (THEY DIDNT KNOW ME AND THEY WERE KIND), other people think that i am stalking them, and it happened once, with someone living in Florida, USA while i am living in Amman, JORDAN, if you have the slightest geography knowledge, that would be IMPOSSIBLE.

So the major reason for me blogging (beside lots of free time in hand) is I found someone telling me its nice, encouraged me and also gave me advices about it, and i really appreciated it...

Thanks.

Am I that different or indifferent?

2009-02-13T10:59:00.004+02:00

For the past two weeks I have been thinking about this very question, among others...and i am quite annoyed by it...

I have been thinking of taking a step in my life that could be life changing, and when i ask my friends about what they think, they think that i am mad!!! and that's why I am thinking about this question! In general, the thing i am planning to do, are what others, are not willing to do it, because they are not willing to make it either because they are fed up of it, or they like to believe they are above certain responsibilities that i think of it as a major and the most essential responsibilities a man should take when he reaches a certain point of his life.

Am I running from the destiny that i once thought i have and own? or am I taking this responsibility and turn it to become my destiny? Even though I made my best to keep away from a certain path, will I return to that path and turn my self in? Am i supposed to do whats right? or create my own definition for whats right, and follow, like most of the people i know do?am i that different from other people who usually run away from their responsibilities? Or am I that indifferent about my own self? I wish i could really know....

Cigarettes and Love

2009-02-11T09:20:00.004+02:00

Smoking cigarettes is inhaling the chemicals into the lungs, which will later be absorbed by the lung to enter the blood stream to reach every part of the human body where it starts to give you a comforting feeling of numbness, starting in your legs, and reaching all the way to your mind, where you feel happy and relaxed. First cigarette of the morning always causes this feeling.

So smoking is a comforting and a relaxing technique practiced by smokers to feel happy.

Loving someone starts by a glance, or a look that will eventually be transmitted to the heart of a person where it will transmit all the 'happy' chemicals around the human body and soul and will firstly cause the 'butterflies' feeling in the stomach, and you feel that the steps your loved one walks are your own heart beat, and the words said are entering your bloodstream and making you alive all over again. One look from them will give you the eternal feel of happiness, comfort and existance. Love also, is a relaxing and a comforting technique that is practiced by lovers to feel happy.

Smoking is a non-harmful act if done alone, while on the otherhand, love is deeply painful if felt alone. Smoking is a habit that we can quit, relatively easy compared to the habit of falling in love.

People may be annoyed by the fragrance caused by cigarettes and tobacco burning, and they conisder it not healthy, and one of the most significant reasons to cause cancer.

Why is it easy to forbid the act in public and prohibit smoking in malls? and not forbid couples from walking and enjoying thier time in the mall? Did any one thought about the non-lovers being annoyed by the lovers wandering all around public places? annoyed from the passion burning between them? or the fragrance of their understanding filling the air?Why is love so glorified and smoking is so disgusted?

On this Valentine's Day, I shall have a romantic evening with my Marlboro. My love.

Meaningless Questions!!!

2009-02-11T06:24:00.005+02:00

I dont have a job.

In an interview, i was described as 'aggressive' and 'not straight forward'.

For the people who knew me, when i told them that, the immediate response is a laugh. In that very interview i was TOO straight forward and EXTREMELY polite. In that interview, my interviewers were younger than me, and 'with all do respect' totally UNprofessional.

Once he asks me "tell me about yourself", the first thought that crosses my mind, "are you willing to marry me?", but the smile keeps it in. Why does the interviewers ask such question, aren't they fed up of the routine answer: "Im a hard-worker, self motivated, loyal and ambitious"???? is there a certain keyword that i have no idea about?? is it a trick question?? is there a certain formula i have to use?? why give me the chance to talk about myself, when you are really not interested?? are you making sure that i know how to speak in english? why is it so important in your firm to speak in english; im dealing with fairly educated workers, i dont need it!!! YOU dont NEED it.

Lots of questions i really understood the purpose behind it, or what does it really measure like for example, "where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years?"..... COME ON, i dont know what im going to have for lunch today, you are asking me after 5 or 10 years from know where am i going to be???? Another one is "why did you choose this company??"....and i think, "well, you called me, and you were one of 300 other companies i placed my CV at" or it would be something like "i didnt actually choose you, you are the people who picked my name up through the job seekers sites on the internet"

I know my major mistakes:

I am straight forward.
I am very honest, and dont know how to lie.
I am very confident about my skills in particular, and myself in general

People might say that these are not mistakes, they are good things, but it turns out to be that people misunderstand the energy coming out of me, they will take it as follows:

I am not straight forward ( it turns out to be, that when i dont explain what im trying to say, it seems as if im telling lies).
I am rude and aggressive. (I can't imagine when you call someone, Sir, and smile all the time, oo bti7seb il kilmeh alf marra abel ma titla3, keef bitkun "aggressive" :S)
"Shayef 7ali" (I am used to it)

I should really get myself "Interviews for Dummies" or "How to deal with Humans" because at some times, i feel stupid, and other times, i feel alien.

Who is Abu 7maid??

2009-02-09T10:13:00.003+02:00

There are certain people you really wish to be acquainted to; like, for me i would really have the chance to sit and hear Prince Hasan Bin Talal, Bill Gates or even Erich Hartmann, but for the last two weeks i REALLY want to meet this abu 7maid person.

In any place in Amman, when you are a guy you are called by different names, some are nice and some are '3aib' and some are annoying. For example, when you are walking in the street and you drop a paper by mistake, you hear a person calling you from behind "ya basha" or "m3allem, fe waraga weg3at minnak", and you turn and check the paper, if it was yours the normal reply that will come out of your mouth is "yislamo, 3a rasi walla", these are the 'normal' or 'nice' names. The '3aib' ones are like the ones you hear when you are driving and you were almost going to make a disaster, you will hear a very long horn sound, and the name follows "ya *** ********", on which the normal answer would be "malak wala,suf suf agulak, walla la ***********." (Don't you just love Amman :) )

The annoying one, might not be annoying to many people, but it really gets on my nerves. 'abu 7maid'. I am NOT abu 7maid, I'm really really sorry to tell you, but i am not. my name is not even close, there is no 'M' in it. I dont mean anything against the name, but its not mine, its not EVEN CLOSE. during the past two weeks i have been called 'abu 7maid' more than im called in my real name, and thats why i have to meet this abu 7maid person, does he look like me? is he someone really famous that no one told me about? how does he look like? is he like a symbol for something gigantic that i have no idea of??

If anyone knows this person, could you please tell him, I really have to meet him. I want to know him in person, because i feel like i know him forever these days.

Photography

2009-02-04T04:26:00.004+02:00

I have once started to play a game with a freind of mine, which simly talking about certain things, nothing personal and nothing intimate, just normal things, so as usual, you talk about something you like which is Photography.

I recall that I told her that photography was something i enjoy because i found myself in it. I see what i want to see through the viewfinder from my camera, and for no exact reason, i dont care what anyone thinks about the thing im looking at or how i see it; its simply my photograph, i took it, and very happy with it.

I consider myself to be an observer, watching everything from a distance is always better, at least to me. I believe that for a very simple reason, if you always stay away from things, you will ALWAYS have a broader picture (at least in physics its true). I fell in love with photgraphy when i first heard the shutter of my father's camera, a Canon F-1 film camera. It was music to my ears, the mechanical shutter was something that was so amazing to me, especially when we are talking about the size of the components.

Lots of things make photography amusing, but the true enjoyment is being alone. No one bothering you if you are out alone to photo shooting, and you are alone with your camera and gear. Doing nothing but enjoying the companionship of each other.

I guess im going for photo taking. :)

I am a flickr user :)

2009-02-02T01:57:00.006+02:00

The whole evening today was spent over this site flickr, where people around the world use it to post and comment and get comments over their photos. It felt so good to finally find people who will help you without knowing you the hell you are, and are just willing to give you some advice about something you both love.

I consider myself in love with the new camera i just bought. I bought a Nikon D60 camera with two lenses. you cant imagine the happiness i feel while hearing the shutter of the camera goes open and closes once again.

I know its going to take ages until someone finds this blog, but whoever does, what do you think of the photos????

Any comments will be appreciated. :)

Here is the flickr URL.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/26885583@N08/

GOING FURTHER

2009-01-20T22:32:00.000+02:00

There are little things you think that will always be there, and you wont miss them, instead you curse them while doing them, and you could never imagine that you will someday want them to coma back. One of the these things to me are the "garden".

Most of the guys in collage try to find certain places to hang out where they have specific and essential characteristics; cheap, smoking is allowed and most important is that its full of females or "niswan". That's why if you ever wondered why the guys in Amman always hang out in a KIA Sephia....there you have it, its an economical car for gas, smoking is allowed and you see "niswan" in almost any place you want, A perfect place is to park near a place, usually "faye3" or "mllagham sabaya" and you can spend a whole evening there "b arth il doleh, ma7ada 2ilo 3indak yaba"!!!!

Thank god i am not of them, I'm worse. When a person realizes the reason of misery he should get rid of it, and that's what I did, I realized that "ilniswan" was a part of my misery and suffering in Amman (a very long story), so i got rid of them and started to go to places where it is impossible to find them; the "garden".

The "garden" is a 100% free of niswan; so its the perfect place to hang out not caring if you smell, have a massive amount of ketchup on your 6 years old T-shirt, wearing "7affayet il wadoo" and a pyjama, and its the cheapest since its a public place and smoking is allowed. It has great view looking into one of the busiest streets in Amman, and its the safest place there since the Police force are always around it (there is night club near the "garden">>hishekk bishek type), so you are not scared to get caught, cuz even if you are wearing that 6 year old T-shirt and 7affayet il wadoo, you are Tom Cruise there.

I used to spend lots of time there, and eventually got sick of it and stopped going there. I believe I have betrayed that place, "akalto la7im oo zatayto 3adem", because it was the place I used to go whenever I had something to think about, whenever I feel terrible.No matter how complicated things are,they get clearer there, a cup of coffee (actually it was black sweetened water) and 2 cigarettes of "vizory a7mar" will always make them clearer and simple. After graduating and "getting one step further" I stopped going there, I never really knew why but i stopped going there..."oo zay ma bigullak il mathal, illy bi6la3 min daro, bigil migdaro"

Its been a very long time since the last time I sat in the "garden" and enjoyed that sweetened black water and the "vizory" cigarettes. Going further is not by the place you hang out, the kind of coffee you drink or the cigarettes brand you smoke, its what you really become in the real things that matter. I cant wait to get back to Amman to sit in the "garden" and get a clearer picture.

My first post :)

2009-01-19T23:46:00.000+02:00

So technically this is the first time i will post something here. My reason to start blogging is to publish the best of my photographs. I have a new camera in a country where there is no flickr. so blogging is the best for publishing. Hope anyone who ever see this may enjoy the pictures and some of the notes I may from time to time write here.